


this time

by spheeris1



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, a sweet dose of angst, a whole lot of acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 21:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14601855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spheeris1/pseuds/spheeris1
Summary: one-shot // eve p.o.v. // set in some possible future // It took Eve a while to sort out a solution, but it became obvious after a fashion





	this time

/ / /

You've been here before. You've been here, with her, before.

Last time, you didn't expect the swell of fear that coursed through you as she slowly moved her arm backwards, back towards her own body, and placed that ring of fire to her own chin. Last time, you didn't understand what was going on, only that you had to see her – face to face – and that you had to let her know that you saw her, that you were there, that you could always find her... somehow, someway... 

Last time, your heart stopped and you were barely breathing and your mouth was painfully dry. Last time, she laughed at you and you didn't get it, you didn't get anything at all – not about her, perhaps, but certainly not about yourself. Last time, she got to run away and play all those games and you let her do it, you let her in and you let her fucking play with you.

And you have lost people along the way. You've lost friends, lost partners. You got lost a little bit, too. 

You lost that tenuous grasp on safety, lost whatever was left of your common sense. And you got lost in the glorious chase, lost in an ache you barely acknowledged, lost in the details that you've been dreaming of.

You got lost in her, so fucking lost.

And you've been here before, with her. Her, with a gun pointed at you. Her, with blood on her hands and scars upon her body. Her, with those eyes you've been studying and admiring for ages. Her, a mystery wrapped up in a woman, a temptation sheathed in murder and madness.

Last time, all you had was your strange blend of hubris and need, fingers splayed against your heart.

This time... this time...

You've asked her questions that she refuses to answer. You've sought her out when she's done nothing but lead you around by the nose. You've finally figured out what's been missing, the pieces that just didn't fit fully inside of you. You've figured her out, too, even if she doesn't realize it just yet.

But she will. In the end.

Because you've solved the riddle and, yes, you are proud of yourself, even if it means that you won't get the chance to relish the satisfaction of being right, of finding that needle in the haystack of her existence. You'll know the truth, in the end, and so will she.

And so you slowly change directions.  
And so you take the aim off of her and turn it on yourself.  
And so you keep on looking at her, placing the barrel to your temple.

Last time, you shouted out 'no' and you didn't stop to consider why you cared so much.

And you see her brows furrow in dawning confusion.  
And you see her shoulders suddenly drop, arm falling like a string has been cut.  
And you see her lips part, you see something rising up in her throat.

This time, you know exactly what is going on between the two of you.

_“I told you that I would find what you care about...”_

This time, you finally know why neither one of you could ever stay away from the other.

_“...and that I would kill it.”_

This time, you know what to call it – this obsession, this desire, this want that will gradually destroy everything and everyone in its path. This time, you know love when you see it.

And this time, you know exactly what you have to do.

_“Eve...!”_

And her voice, saying your name like that, sounds just like a gun going off.

/ / /

**(end)**

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I don't want this to happen. And yet, I am fascinated by the thought, especially after reading that AV Club article ["She’s threatening to kill what Villanelle loves, but there’s ample evidence that will turn out to be Eve herself."]


End file.
